BREAK THE GAMBLE 

Hello and welcome to Break The Gamble. The fact you are here suggests you have been harmed by gambling, whether it be directly or through a family member/friend. I want to share the idea of Break The Gamble and my own personal story with gambling harms. It’s going to be a long read but I want to be as honest as I can before I ask others to share their own journeys on the page. I also want to make sure I leave nothing out, as it may help others to identify my story with their own and give them some things to consider.

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​ My goal is to become a recovery coach, and this is something I hope will come to fruition in the future. In the meantime I hope to build a community where people from all over, all different time-zones can find help and support 24/7 by networking in our group chats, wearing merch to help raise awareness, and hopefully finding new mindfulness ventures for us as a group down the line then that is my goal. I want to sponsor sports teams, players or even start a football team for people experiencing gambling harms, an excuse to leave the TV at the weekend and get fit.

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​It may sound daunting, but any feelings of discomfort won’t be because you have given up on gambling, it’ll be because you started gambling in the first place.

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​We look at people suffering from other addictions and ask ourselves “why don’t they just give it up?” we are in no position to judge- we are the same, we are addicts, people just cannot physically see our issue. I have shared changing rooms with football teams for years and have not met one player who has admitted having been harmed by gambling. Not one, and I know some are feeling the same way as me, I hear the “so and so let me down yesterday,” I have seen them following the same pages I have when going down my recovery rabbit hole.

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​I was reluctant to share my story at first, it is the last page to complete on the website so take from that what you will. I live in a small community where everyone is judged and mocked. Once the page is published, I know I will be in several group chats in the area and mocked, it is a stigma that needs broken. Everyone has a story and the people mocking me in their group chats will undoubtedly know someone who has experienced the same issues as me, they just won’t know it and that silence is something that needs changing. 

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​I was first exposed to gambling when I was at primary school. Most weekends I would have to stand inside the doorway of a bookmakers while my dad ran in to put his acca on. At the time I wasn’t complaining, most punters gave me a couple of quid on their way in and I got to know most of them. I had no idea what he was doing or the harm it could cause.

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Around the age of 15, I knew exactly what gambling was and I had gone from standing outside bookmakers waiting on my dad to standing outside with my mate asking people to place our acca on. It was always the sections list, a couple £ stake on four away teams, 1 from each section and it paid out around £75 to my memory, we won a few times, and it got us the latest computer game or a trip to Glasgow the following weekend to spend it. I got greedy and started doing two from each section, I think I only won it once which should have taught me a lesson back then, but it never.

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My dad learnt I had started gambling the hard way. My bank had given me several charges and he asked why, I couldn't tell him, and he arranged a meeting at my bank. We sat down to discuss what had gone on and the woman printed a sheet off of my outgoings, it was a full page of gambling transactions, I had no idea what to say and I could see the shock in his face, online gambling was alien to him, he couldn't work a phone and he had warned me off gambling, but I believed I had a wider knowledge of football than he did, and he seemed to win some decent amounts from time to time. By the time I could place my own bets, my dad had opened a chip shop/café in the area, there was a Ladbrokes five doors to the left of us, and a William Hill three doors to the right, we would both spend time there during our shifts. He backed the horses, I had no idea about them but often found myself putting a couple of pounds on the virtual horses if the horse wearing my lucky number 9 was over 20/1, much to the dismay of my dad.

I had heard stories of my dad’s addiction and seen it first-hand before he had his own business, as he had on occasion messaged me looking for a loan of money for a couple of days until he got paid, to avoid a bank charge. I hadn’t ever confronted him over it, he was his own man, and I didn’t believe it was an addiction he had until I was a bit older, and I worked with him every day, I could then see it for myself. But again, I had my own demon, who was I to challenge his?

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A few years later and I could visibly see it in him. We would often go in to the bar next door after work and for months he was talking about the business struggling and claiming it was due to the decline of the town, he was right to an extent as it had become a ghost town, However, I knew his gambling addiction was largely to blame. He had become a shell. We lost the business and the family home too. My mum done her best to keep it together for me and my siblings and I never really appreciated her until around this time. However, she had put up with it for too long and could no longer support him and they parted ways.

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I struggled to come to terms with it and by that time I was out drinking with my mates at weekends, coming home and being an arsehole. Verbally abusing my mum for what had happened, despite knowing she had done her best. I never criticised my dad as he was, and will always be my hero, despite his issues. My mum always said, "You're just like your dad".

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I played football on a Saturday but decided to give it up, enjoying putting accas on and drinking with my mates instead. They would have one or two accas on, I’d have around ten, all the slips laid out on the living room floor. When they all lost, I’d be back down doing the later games. All the lads would be off out to the pub and I wouldn’t be able to go, I’d gambled all my money and lost, often having to borrow cash from them to go out, but I was never good for it, I’d need to have enough for my bets first. I moved in with one of the boys, he wasn’t a gambler, and didn’t drink as often as the rest, he was one of the more sensible of the group. I worked full-time while I lived with him and can probably count on one hand the amount of time I put money in the gas and electricity, he basically kept me for the year or two we lived together without ever confronting me over it, and to this day it’s one of my biggest issues with my journey.

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I missed almost all of the lads’ holidays abroad, claiming I couldn’t afford to go, yet never went a weekend without a gamble. I racked up thousands on credit cards, using them to gamble if I didn’t have cash, and was bailed out by my gran before racking up thousands again and being bailed out by my mum, before racking them up again.

I had phoned my manager a few times over the years, telling him I couldn’t come in the next day as I had no petrol, no money for petrol, I’d gambled it. I was taken into the office the next day with my manager and boss and given a small advance on my wages to get petrol, what a state to be in. I think between the age of 20-30 I had never filled my car up with a full tank, it was always £5, £10 at a push!

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I joined all the tipster groups, all the groups on Facebook with the wee flame emoji’s every time a bet won. Paying some guy £20/£30 a month to send “tips” into a group chat, some guy with thousands of followers all tuned in to their phones all day to see him tip a couple of winning 1/4 shots in a row like he is some gambling genius.

I gave up the groups and started paying websites for statistics, thinking I could find an edge over the bookies. X team has beaten Y so many times in the last 10 games when this player been injured, “this must be a winner”.

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I found myself betting on any game that was going, checking Bet365 in-play stats to see who looked likely to score next, betting on corners, throw-ins in the next 5min period, checking to see which players were carded most.

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I have listened to recovery podcasts where people have spent thousands on roulette and slot machines. I played the occasional slot machine when younger, but I never got hooked, I never fancied roulette either and only rarely played online poker. I had mates who were hooked on roulette, and you would frequently see people knocking hell out the machines on a Friday, having lost their wages in under an hour, I think that was enough to deter me. Sports betting was where I focused my attention. I wasn't one for large stakes, I would have ten £10 bets on rather than one £100 bet, it's still the same value but I think it made me believe I didn't have an issue. I done the occasional big bet of a couple hundred, if I’d done one of those rollover bets where you start with £10 and try and get to £1000, by bet five or six you are staking £300-400, I rarely made it that far though as I’d always chase instant success and go for higher odds straight away.

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Some people will say "he never had a problem, hardly staked big stakes and didn't play machines". I disagree, everyone has their different vices, I have gambled tens of thousands of pounds, it's written in the profit/loss on each app. If gambling has caused someone problems in their life, then that is enough, there is no monetary value that qualifies you as a problem gambler. We aren't interested in how much people have lost, if it caused harm to you or anyone else then that is enough, and we offer our support.

I was betting on NHL, NBA, MLB despite having no knowledge of them, just reading stats, and then watching the games for trends. My worst one was an Asian game, I am sure it was Myanmar, the stats looked good in-play for one team to win, I backed them and clicked to watch the game, it was a tiny stadium with around 10 fans...and I had wagered on it, I remember thinking WTF am I doing?

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 Every week I would have a Champions League or Championship Tuesday acca, Champions League Wednesday, Europa League Thursday/Darts acca, and on a Friday it was French 2nd Division and Dutch 2nd division which was a goals galore league. I’d begin every Saturday with the Australian league at 7am, the early English game at midday, my usual 14:30 Bundesliga and 15:00 UK games, the 17:30 EPL game, the 19:45-21:00 European games and then the USA sports during the night – sitting up until 03.30 in the morning for the late MLS game or waking up at 7am to check the scores straight away, getting a slight buzz when getting to that final game when the rest had won. A complete waste of time and money.

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I wouldn’t be being honest if I didn’t say I had some good days gambling, as a football fan I loved nothing more than sitting watching it all day, especially if I was winning. My biggest win paid for a family holiday; it was one of the only times I remember walking away when I’d won. I was too used to chasing losses, so walking around Sunny Beach, Bulgaria thinking I’d basically won a holiday for £10/£20 felt great. However, in the grand scheme of things I’d have been on several holidays and had a mortgage if I hadn’t chased losses and walked away a long time ago. Now I find myself paying back my debts, a recurring theme for people in recovery.

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My dad passed away in 2018, a few months after my son was born, his first grandchild. The worst time of my life, and it would have been easy to spiral even further into my addiction. One of my uncles was worried about me and told my partner to let him know if I began drinking to cope, drink wasn’t my problem, but I don’t think he was aware of my gambling.  However, at that point I realised I had to change my life, my role model had gone, I had to step-up as the oldest of four, despite the realisation that all three of them are more successful than me!  I stopped going out at weekends drinking etc, but I stuck with the gambling. I feel terrible writing about the harms my dad experienced with gambling when he isn’t here to defend himself. He was a great dad, a great man - despite his demons, no one is perfect. I am not blaming him for my demons, as I said earlier, he was his own man and I am too, aside from standing outside the bookmakers when younger, he never actually took me inside one, and he persistently tried to tell me to stop gambling, I just never acknowledged him, he done it, so why shouldn’t I? That was my attitude. I think he would admit it, he knew he had his demons despite believing he had it under control. I hope and believe he would appreciate that I’ve used his story as well as my own to put this together and deter his grandchildren from gambling.

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My favourite time of the year was Christmas time, the time when there are games on constantly for the month - a gamblers dream. I found it ironic that my birthday is on Boxing Day, the day renowned for being the best sporting day of the year. I wore it like a badge of honour as I classed it as the best gambling day. I got paid early at Christmas, usually around the middle of the month and it was to last you until the end of January, my wage was often gone by the end of December and my mum had stopped giving me money as a present as she knew where her hard earned was going to go, I got vouchers instead! Sitting at Christmas dinner checking to see which countries still played on Christmas day to see if I could get an acca on at the dinner table.

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December 29th, 2019 was the first day I admitted I had a problem. I was lying watching TV and started getting notifications saying my direct debits could not be taken. I was confused as I had hundreds in the bank to my knowledge. I logged in to find I had nothing left of my wage; I had no idea where it had gone. At that point I had to have the chat with my partner, telling her just how bad it had gotten and that I had let her and the kids down, in tears I had realised I had a problem and was failing my son, despite seeing what had happened with my Dad. I decided to limit my gambling and put a self-exclusion on my accounts, not giving it up completely. My partner agreed to create an account and she would place small stakes bet on for me on a Saturday. Covid hit in March 2020 and there weren’t many sports to gamble on, so it was easy, and I ended up not really gambling, it made me feel like I didn’t have an issue with gambling.

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Fast forward eight months and we were invited to the races for the day. By this point I felt great and decided I’d only gamble £5 on each race. I ended the day with more money than I had gone with so that was me, ready to get back into it again.

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I phoned up to get my restrictions moved, sitting on the phone for around 45mins claiming to be reformed and that I just needed a small break etc. All my accounts were reopened, and I was back to having access. I didn’t gamble as frequently as I had to be honest, just gambling at weekends on my new market – player fouls. I’d subscribed to a platform that gave stats on all the teams and who committed and received the most fouls. I’d have a £10 20 player acca on a Saturday, with three or four players from each game to have a foul, it returned around 4k, and I saw this as my way of clearing my debts finally – small risk and big reward. I had begun seeing gambling as not only the problem but the solution.

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The big win never came, ultimately losing by one or two players every week and by December 2023 I found my next self-realisation moment. I’d decided I was going all out that month in the hope of getting the big winner to clear the debts off. It never came and by the end of the month I felt the same way as Dec 2019. I had the money to pay my bills this time, but I realised I was failing again. Wasted money that could have gone on my son and stepdaughter or towards my debt. We are expecting a baby in July too and I spent around a week reflecting on everything. The way my life was going, the only thing I would have left to lose was my family.

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I decided on January 8th, 2024, that I would never place a bet again. I decided I was letting my family down and I was going to be stuck in a rut until I died further down the line. What would my son say about me? He would have a similar story to me of my childhood, except my dad couldn’t hide his addiction behind a phone like I could. I don’t want the kids to remember me for my failings and to miss out on family experiences because of my poor choices.

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​I’m not religious and I don’t think GA meetings would be my thing. I’m not knocking them but everyone’s road to recovery is different. I bought some self-help books and courses on gambling. My partner has been there for me every step of the way. She listens to me moan everyday about my problems and never puts me down, she could have walked years ago.

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I don’t want my kids gambling, and the way gambling is now, it’s hard to keep them from it. Gambling ads are everywhere, football teams all over the world are sponsored by them. So, I decided to start Break The Gamble in the hope that it deters them from gambling when they are older, hopefully seeing that I have tried something to distance them from it will be enough for them to consider the harms it has caused.

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I hope it brings peace to others who are struggling themselves and I hope it brings accountability to myself, as you practice what you preach – the best ability is accountability.

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I’m not going to bash gambling and tell people not to do it, if you can put an acca on at the weekend and not chase losses then brilliant, fair play to you and good luck.

However, one of my self-help books described it as a monster, a monster that is dying every time you choose not to gamble. Every bet you place is CPR for that monster so I’m choosing to look at it that way.

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​I am only a few months into my own recovery and people may be thinking “who is he to talk?” or believe that I will relapse. The truth is most people tend to relapse, I believe I won’t and that Break The Gamble and my family will reinforce that. You can’t get to one year gamble free without being one day gamble free, everyone starts somewhere and sadly some people may never beat gambling.

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​I will be in my own recovery for years and I will still be paying back my gambling debts by this time in 2026. I see it as a financial prison sentence for gambling and this is me ‘doing my time.’  I have a baby on the way, and I have decided that life will indeed begin at 40 for me and my family, my aim is to be debt free come 2027 and then I’ll make up for lost time with my kids.

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​I want to apologise and also say thanks to my family who have bailed me out several times while never truly knowing the extent of my gambling until now (sorry mum and gran ha-ha), my mates for all the missed holidays and nights out years ago, my old flatmate for keeping me for years when he could have disowned me and to my partner who as I said has been more supportive than she should ever have been.

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 I apologise for the long read, but I hope it inspires others to follow suit, I appreciate some will falter, it is only natural, but we must try and Break The Gamble and find a healthier and mindful life. We only have one shot, why waste it gambling?

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​Bet on Yourself, it’s a guaranteed win.

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​“You can spend your whole life diving into the river, trying to save the people that have fallen in, or you can go upstream, stopping them falling in to begin with.”